You know you’re an English student when…

1. You insult people with terminology.SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

“You’re an oxymoron!”
“Yeah, then you’re an idiom!

(Also, note the recurring bad pun in the picture to the right. Oh yes, that’s all my work.)

2. After reading poetry, your thoughts start to rhyme.

“I am hungry and I fancy some cake, but my mum didn’t show me how to bake. Maybe I will have dinner first tonight, but my parents aren’t watching to see if I’m polite, and cake is just too hard to resist, and will this awful rhyming please desist?”

3. You are amazed when a lecturer knows about Youtube.

“It’s not the clear sheets for the old projector what-you-call-’ems today!”
“It’s not even VHS.”
“What is this sorcery?”

4. People assume you keep a diary.

“Is this going in your diary?”
“Excuse me, it’s a journal.”

5. You can show off how you’ve only read the best in books at the drop of a hat.

“- and then I was like, She doth teach the torches to burn bright… Did my heart love-
Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.
“Did you just quote Harry Potter at me?”
“I think you’ll find that I’m the English student, and I’ll be the one quoting things, and that’s perfectly normal, thank you very much.”

6. You know the best pick-up lines.

She doth teach the torches-
“I just used that one.”
“I know. It’s called ‘quoting.'”

7. It’s not a song that’s stuck in your head. It’s a poem.

“What’s the ear worm that bothering you? Something by Rihanna?”
“Close enough. Tiger, tiger, burning bright…”

8. You want to start a movement to bring back Old or Middle English words.

“You’re such an ultracrepidarian. I mean – ‘Zounds! – if you’re going to be like that, you can go home anon.”

9. Your friends come to you to check the grammar in their essays.

“For the love of all that is good, (why are you (double bracketing?))”

10. You get excited at the latest release by your favourite author. Until you realise you have a whole reading list to get through before you can even look at modern books.

“Did you hear about the new Neil Gaiman book?”
“No. I avoid bookstores. They are the forbidden fruit.”

11. People keep giving you gift cards for bookstores that you can’t use for the above reason.

“What are you going to get with that gift card?”
“Probably some magnets and a mini lamp.”

12. You keep a blog reviewing classic books, but you rarely post because you’re so busy reading classic books.

“Hey Classicritique, when will you put up your next review?”
“Review? Oh sugar! I forgot about my blog – I mean, in the holidays. Yes, I plan to put up a review in the holidays. Ahem.”

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