You know you’re an English student when… (Part Three)

1. Your friends think you’re some kind of intellectual hero.

(An updated drawing from my best friend, who drew the lovely image on my ‘About’ page. I’ve changed in her view, evidently.)

2. You’ve seen a male lecturer stumble through a ‘Language and Gender’ topic with a predominantly female audience.

“And so the difference between sex and gender is in the mind. No, I didn’t mean to say that. What I mean is that sex is about genitalia and – no, forget that. What I really mean to say is – oh, for the love of my job, just ask your parents.”

3. Alternatively, you’ve had to bear witness to a secular lecturer talking about the Bible.

“Of course this is only one interpretation of the Bible. There are many interpretations – unless you believe that there’s only one. This part is clearly metaphoric, but it can be taken literally! There’s nothing wrong with that either.”
“He’s backpedalling so much that I’m not sure which way is up any more.”
“I’m pretty sure he said that heaven is up and hell is down, unless you believe otherwise, of course.”

4. You laugh at the Science students having to do exams every few weeks.

“Ha ha ha!”

5. Until you’re given about eight essays to write.

“Aw…”

6. You can’t trust your own mind.

“Did I come up with that interpretation, or did I read that somewhere?”
“Everyone’s making me paranoid. You keep saying that you might be plagiarising. I haven’t noticed that I am, ergo I must not read enough secondary criticism, or I’m stealing everything.”

7. Annotating books is painful.

“I can’t make notes in this. It’s like vandalism.”
“Come on, it’s a dead tattooed tree. You can’t do much more to the poor thing that hasn’t been done already.”

8. Sometimes a book accidentally becomes a pillow.

“Is that a water mark on your page?”
“Well, it’s definitely not drool. Nope. Not at all.”

9. Unfortunately, you are addicted to a range of different ‘literatures’.

“What tabs have you got open?”
“Buzzfeed, WordPress, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr… Oh! Mum, I didn’t notice you there. I’m just… researching on Jstor for an essay.”

10. Your department can’t use technology.

“Why can’t we turn in our essays online like every other subject does?”
“We’re made to sit for hours reading books. They want us to walk down in person so we get at least some exercise.”

11. Ever since you discovered a) your reading list, and b) parties, sleep has become the most and least  important thing in your life.

“Whoa, you’re wobbling a bit there. What’ve you had?”
“Sleep deprivation.”

12. You are so relieved upon finishing an essay that you have to blog about it.

“Since the beginning of the academic year, I have thus far written twelve big, long essays. I have more left to write.”
“Stop bragging, Classi.”