You know you’re an English student when… (Part Four)

1. You have a special place in your heart for wordplay.SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

“I wonder what pictures of bookcases are called.”

2. You don’t ever make a rough draft before writing an essay. You don’t have the time.

“Are you even going to read over your essay before submitting it?”
“I like to live dangerously.”

3. You feel like you’re letting the side down when you misquote Shakespeare.

“What’s in a name? That which we call a nose by any other word would still smell. Oh, fiddlesticks.”

4. You want to write a book, but you’re not sure whether you want to write popular fiction or something English students like you will study in later years.

“And then the aliens attack. While the hero battles them epically, he has to deal with the existential crisis that ensues from finding out that we’re not alone in the universe. It raises questions about humanity and creative intelligence that must be dealt with on a merciless battlefield that’s all pew, pew, pew. And then -”
“No offence, but that plot summary is awful. Are you really planning to write that?”

5. You can spin anything.

“Why are you watching the new Thor movie when you should be studying?”
“I am studying. I’m looking at how familial ties in Norse mythology are portrayed in modern media.”

6. If anyone else happens to pick up a book from your course, they will automatically open it to the most incriminating page possible.

“Huh. Loki did what with a horse?”

7. You do have a superpower. You are able to connect things that are completely unrelated.

“Beyoncé is a window. Three connections. Go.”
“Beyoncé dances by shaking her hips, by stirring them. Thus, she is a hip- stirrer. Hipsters wear big glasses. Glass belongs in a window, thus Beyoncé is a window. Can you do better?”
“Sure. Beyoncé is a window on celebrity culture.”

8. You feel the need to pretend that your favourite story is a classic novel.

“Ah yes, I’d say that the tales that have influenced me the most have been from the Romance period, like Austen’s Sense and Sensibility.”
“Ignore her. I’ve seen her internet history. Her favourite romance stories are closer to slash than sensibility.”

9. You consistently feel like you’re behind on your reading.

“What are you doing over the summer?”
“Reading at least twenty books that I didn’t get to choose. You?”
“I’ve got no summer work. I’m going to Fiji.”

10. Sometimes, you can’t talk normally.

“My thoughts are with you on this, the anniversary of the day of your birth.”
“So, Happy Birthday then?”
“Only if you think my thoughts are happy.”

11. You’re often a bit haunted.

“How was your day?”
“Why are humans so awful? Rape, racism, animal abuse everywhere!”
“I see you got your new reading list.”

12. You have the best friends ever.

“All I want for Christmas is a boyfriend.”
“Well, we girls got together and bought you the complete works of Cecelia Ahern. Merry Christmas!”
“You guys are the best.”

8 thoughts on “You know you’re an English student when… (Part Four)

  1. Norse myth is the best! I did my final paper junior year on how Odin is a personification of the values of Norse culture. Most fun I ever had doing research! 🙂

  2. “Shelfies.” That made me laugh. 🙂

    So I’m probably not the only person who justified reading The Book Thief instead of doing school work by saying that I was studying trends in modern literature, huh?

    Yes, I know ten very well. It’s especially awkward when you’ve been reading Shakespeare and you’re dying to use some of the new lines you found, but you know nobody will understand you.

  3. This was amazing.
    I am about to finish my Bachelor of Arts in literature and history and this was pretty much exactly my life for the past three years.
    Thank you so much for making me feel like less of a wordy for not talking like a normal person some days and the constant pressure to be reading (and loving) a new classic.
    You captured it brilliantly 🙂

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